Sonic Housemates
by Mecha Scorpion
Summary: Five unlikely heroes end up subletting the same house for the summer. In between Sonic's daredevil antics, Tails' madcap inventions, Knuckles' rampant drug consumption, Amy's insatiable jealousy and Shadow's insufferable arrogance, the group must contend with the local townies, rival gangs and the machinations of a mysterious landlord...


Sonic Housemates

"_He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home" –_Goethe

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"And then he said that he'd never even heard of a Chinese restaurant before," Sonic laughed, yanking this way and that on the steering wheel as he drove down a quiet country road. "And then _I_ said, what kind of dentist are you anyway? And he–"

"Sonic, slow down!" pleaded Amy, wide-eyed in the passenger seat. "If you keep going so fast, we'll miss the house!"

Sonic rolled his eyes and gave his girlfriend an affectionate smooch on the cheek. "Relax, Amy! We're going to be fine. The landlord said it was the first white house on the left."

"You mean, the first white house on the left after we turn onto the street we're on now?" said Amy skeptically.

"No, just in general."

"SONIC! If you don't figure out where this damn house is, we'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere FOREVER!" she whined.

"We're not in the middle of nowhere!" Sonic argued. "This is Mountain Valley! Home to thousands of college students! This is where I'll be living for the next four years!"

"I just don't get why you had to move here at the _beginning _of the summer," Amy sulked. "I mean, we just finished high school! Don't you want to have fun in Christmas Island with everybody this summer? Don't you want to be with… _me?_"

"I told you, my parents are making me move out," Sonic said morosely. "Apparently they wanted me to, like, get a job or something…" His face twitched in the manner of a PTSD victim as he tried to blot out the horrible thought. "And the dorms aren't open yet, so they said I should sublet someone's place for the summer and get used to the area."

"Do you even know these people?" Amy demanded.

"No, but apparently all the regular occupants are gone for the summer, so all the other residents are summer subletters, too," said Sonic. "I guess we'll all just kind of get to know each other."

"Well, I think it's a stupid idea," Amy moaned, but Sonic's attention turned to his rearview mirror. A black motorcycle was zooming up behind them, getting closer every second.

"What's this?" said Sonic with an amused smile, and sped up. "Some dumb townie kid who thinks he's the fastest thing on the road? Well, I'll show him a thing or two!"

"SONIC!" screeched Amy as the car accelerated past the point of reason. But Sonic was oblivious. He was In the Zone. With a flick of his gloved finger, "Turn Down For What" blasted out of the car speakers at full volume, and now nothing could stop him. The landscape turned into a massive blur. Yet, to Sonic's fury, the black motorcycle kept pace behind.

"Oh, so he's playing games now, huh?" growled Sonic as he approached a curve in the road. "Well, I'll show him! Hang on, Amy!"

"SONIC!"

They took the curve at full speed. Sonic threw on the brakes with expert timing, and the car fishtailed across the curve, screeching and spinning. The black motorcycle was right alongside them now. Sonic unbuckled his seatbelt, climbed out of his window and hurled himself at the motorcycle, knocking the black-helmeted rider clean off. They tumbled into the ditch.

"What was that for, you fool!" screamed the rider, jumping to his feet abruptly and turning his helmeted head to face his attacker.

"Reveal yourself!" demanded Sonic with a cocky grin, jumping up just as abruptly. "I have a right to know what punks think they can outrun me on _my_ road."

"Your road!" the rider bellowed. "It's me who's king of these parts! You're probably just some dumb townie kid who thinks he's the fastest thing on the road! Well, I'll show you a thing or two!"

"Yeah? BRING IT ON!" shrieked Sonic, brandishing his fists.

"SONIC!" yelled Amy, materializing out of nowhere and separating the two would-be combatants. "Get a hold on yourself! The house is right up here!"

"The house?" said Sonic, coming to his senses. "Oh, right... are you sure it's number 29, Canary Lane?"

"Hold up," said the black-helmeted rider. "29 Canary Lane? That's _my_ house."

"Fat chance!" Sonic howled. "You probably just want to live with me so you can try and take my one-in-a-kind style!"

"The only thing I'll be taking from you is your life!" the rider shouted, and dramatically whipped off his helmet. A mane of black quills emerged, followed by a pointy snout and two glaring red eyes.

"Wait… _Shadow?" _said Sonic. "No wonder! Who else would pull such an arrogant stunt? But what are you doing out here?"

"Just because I was the coolest kid in high school doesn't mean I don't have book smarts," bragged Shadow. "I'm attending University of Moebius Mountain Valley this fall! My parents said that I couldn't live at home this summer unless I got a job…" His face darkened in temporary agony at the thought. "So I'm subletting a house this summer."

"I guess we're in the same boat, then," concluded Sonic. "But then… why did you think I might be a dumb townie kid? Didn't you recognize me?"

"Wait, have I met you before?" said Shadow, looking confused.

"You dope! We attended the same public school system for the last nine years! Don't pretend that you don't know who I am!" Sonic screamed.

"Oh, sorry," smirked Shadow. "All the fans, you know… it gets hard to–"

"Oh shut up! I'll never share a house with a pathetic faker like you!" Sonic yelled.

"Well, neither will I!" Shadow retorted, and ran for his motorcycle. Sonic lunged for his car, Amy hanging off of his arm by her fingernails. But Shadow's motorcycle was a wreck, and Amy refused to give the car keys back to Sonic.

"It's a race, then!" Sonic hissed, and took off for the house on foot, with Shadow in hot pursuit.

"It's my house!" the black hedgehog spat, elbowing Sonic in the ribs.

"MY house!" Sonic snarled, kicking Shadow in the shin.

"No, MY HOUSE!"

"MY HOUSE!"

"MINE!"

"ME!"

"MYSELF!"

"I AM THE GREATEST!"

"I AM INDUBITABLY SUPERIOR!"

"I AM GOD!"

"WORSHIP ME!"

"NO!"

"DIE!"

"NO!"

"GO AWAY!"

"NOOOOOO!" Sonic bellowed, and put on a desperate burst of speed. The house was just up ahead. Shadow leaped forward and grabbed Sonic's foot as it swung through the air. Sonic stumbled, and the two of them bounced in a pile of flailing limbs down the driveway in the front yard.

"I AM THE KING OF EVERYTHING!" 

"EVERYBODY LOVES ME!"

"I WON EVERY ACADEMY AWARD TWICE!" 

"QUIET!" bellowed an unfamiliar voice, and the two combatants separated, panting and licking their wounds. A grouchy fox's face was peering out of the upstairs window.

"I require complete serenity in order to work on my inventions," began the fox, his voice shaking in rage, "and I will not have a bunch of unruly, uneducated imbeciles disturbing my peace and quiet!"

"Well, this is our house too," blurted out Sonic. "I mean, MY house, of course," he said, glaring at Shadow. "You can't have everything your way, you know!"

"I can't put up with any more of this lunacy!" the fox shrieked, going off the deep end entirely. "First that blasted echidna moves in with all of his stupid boomboxes, weightlifting to Chief Keef all day and crying to Drake all night. Then that other summer tenant cancels last minute and leaves us all to cover his rent. And now you two fools!"

"What the hell's going on here!" yelled Shadow. "I came up here for a quiet place to enjoy the summer before college, and now I'm living with Drake!"

"Allow me to explain," came a voice from behind. They all whirled around and glared suspiciously at a small robotic Chao that was ambling up the driveway, Amy in tow.

"This good woman told me that you needed assistance," the Chao said. "My name is Omochao, and I'm the real estate broker for this property."

"Who cares? I want to talk to the landlord at once!" growled Sonic.

"Unfortunately, the landlord of this property prefers to keep his identity private," said Omochao. "All of you worked the details out with him by e-mail, correct?" 

"Well… yes, now that you mention it," admitted the fox. "But who's going to be responsible for all this!"

"You are," Omochao said firmly. "The four of you– Sonic, Shadow, Tails, and Knuckles (whenever he leaves his room) must figure out a way to share this space for the next three months, until the semester begins and you all move into your campus residences."

"So everyone in the house is a college student?" Tails said, calming somewhat. "Well, that's good. At least I won't be around a lot of uneducated riffraff. Although, who knows… perhaps admissions standards have declined," he snickered rudely.

"What about the other tenant?" said Sonic suspiciously. "I thought there were five people living here this summer, and this nerdy little fuzzball says that somebody recently canceled."

"Yes, that is correct," Omochao said. "It's a five-bedroom place, but the rent is for the whole property, so you guys will have to work together to pay the difference."

"Wait," said Amy. "So that extra bedroom is available?"

"Yes, no one is renting it right now," said Omochao.

Amy's eyes lit up with joy. She turned excitedly to Sonic, who smiled weakly.

"Wait," Shadow sputtered, "now this loser's going to move his GIRLFRIEND in as well! This is worse than before! I'll have to listen to them… you know, kissing and stuff!"

"What's the matter?" taunted Sonic. "Can't get any action yourself?"

"I'll have you know that I can get any girl, any time I want!" Shadow snarled.

"How about a bet, then," said Sonic, thinking fast. "We go out on the town tonight. We see how many girls' numbers we can get."

"SONIC!" Amy screeched in jealous fury.

"If you get more numbers," continued Sonic calmly, staring Shadow dead in the eye, "then I'll gladly admit you're the fastest thing on the road, and that you've got all the right moves when it comes to the ladies. And, I'll pay the rent for the extra room."

"And what if you get more numbers?" Shadow said, breathless with anticipation.

"Then you have to be my servant for the entire summer," Sonic whispered.

"It's a deal!" Shadow whooped, and they shook on it, as Amy wailed to the heavens and Tails gnashed his teeth in fury. Meanwhile, deep in the recesses of the house, a hand covered in a spiked glove turned up the volume on a massive soundsystem, and "Started From The Bottom" soon drowned out the uproar from outside.

"Ugh, guess I'll never have any peace and quiet again," muttered Knuckles, peering between the blinds at the scene going on in the yard. "Those guys look like the least chill people of all time. I just hope that they don't do drugs…"

He opened up his cabinet and peered inside. There were vials of liquid LSD, metal containers full of MDMA, bricks of cocaine, Ziploc bags full of different strains of marijuana, and an unimaginable assortment of pill bottles, all chock full of illicitly obtained prescription meds..

"…Because I don't like to share."

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What do you guys think? Review!


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